Much of my days are spent driving. This time of year rivals all other seasons as my favorite. I adore driving through Michigan in October - the farms ripe with harvest, the colors peaking, the air perfectly crisp. For most of my adult life, my drive time has been spent listening to NPR...to the point where on some days, I hear the same broadcast in the morning and on my drive home. But no matter, I am always better for it and definitely more informed.
There have been quite a few programs on this month in "celebration" of anti-bulling. So, I've been working away my two cents on this in my head as I drive the back roads.
When we are little, there is, perhaps, a certain amount of understanding. Kids don't know better; they are products of their parents. Kids tease, and kids will be kids. Having said this, it stills feels crushing and painful to be teased, or to be made to feel different. So this is where it starts. Teach your children tolerance and acceptance. Teach them love, kindness, and respect for others.
The teenage years are just plain awful. No matter which "group" of friends you fall into, there always seems to be some group that is better and cooler. We are insecure and unsure of ourselves and our bodies, and don't need the cool kids to point out our flaws...which we are already painfully aware of, and which they always seem to do. We haven't even begun to figure out who we are, or who we want to be. And, what we painfully do not yet know, is that in a few short years, high school is a small, distant, memory, and that none of the popularity contests matter at all!
And, now we are adults. I would like to say that I do not know another adult who would speak poorly about another woman, wife, or mother, but this would not be true. I would like to say that, as adults, people should know better than to disrespect others, but sadly that is not always the case. I have seen it played out in blogs, on Facebook, and in community gossip and hidden whispers.
In any and all of these cases, I sincerely believe that one thing remains true. Bullies do not act out based on the flaws of their victims. They act out based on the flaws in themselves...their own insecurities, their own unhappiness, and their own discontent. Victims become scapegoats for the whole bundle of crap seeded deep within the bully themselves.
One of the basic principles that all people deserve is to be treated with respect. I don't care how old you are, what your faith or lack there-of is, or what economic class you belong to - you deserve to be treated with respect. Whether we like each other or not, you and I both deserve to be treated with respect.
So, to the victims - You are probably not the bully's first target, and probably not their last, but remember - it's not about you, it's their problem. It's about them.
And, to the bullies - Go ahead and take all the cheap shot one liners you need to. You do not now, have never, nor will you ever have any bearing on my life. After all, this is not about me. It's about you.
I had a presentation last night and got home pretty late. I brought home some chicken nuggets (to which Coco said "mamma, you little rascal you!"), and we had a little picnic on the floor and talked about our days. And then we worked up a little anti-bullying number for you. Coco is my very favorite person in the whole wide world. xoxo, e.
Beautiful Erica. It brings back a lot of memories for me. As a mother, your heart breaks when your child is bullied. You struggle to find the one good thing in the situation that can make your child feel better, help cope, and to keep going. That one good thing is shown here - it makes you a person with a heart as big as the world who has empathy for all and who is a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend. I love who you've become.
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